Four Steps to Phenomenal Relationships

I’ve always loved the passage in Matthew 6 where Jesus is teaching us how to pray.  Jeff Griffin, one of the co-Senior Pastors at The Chapel, mentored me as a young believer with this and it continues to shape my understanding of how to talk with God.  But it also struck me fairly early on that this passage also gives us the steps to build authentic and lasting intimacy in any relationship.  The same values that make for great communication with God foster great communication in a relationship, whether it is with a spouse, child, parent, friend or co-worker.

Verse 9 says, “”This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”  Jeff taught me that I should praise God, not only for what He does for me, but for who He is.  That is so important because it takes my eyes of of me – their natural resting place – and places them on Him.  It’s hard to communicate effectively with God if I’m not focusing on Him first.  The same is true in my relationships with other people.  I need to intentionally shift my focus from myself to the other person, and the most effective way to do that is to praise and encourage them.  Imagine our world if every interaction began with a word of encouragement or praise.  So, step 1 is to praise the other person.

Verse 10 of Jesus’ instruction continues, “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  Jeff taught me that it was important to align my heart and mind with what is important to God.  Again, this takes my mind and heart off whatever else is consuming them and focuses them on God.  I am affirming that what is important to God is important to me.  As I pray that prayer, I grow in my desire to see His kingdom come and His perfect will done here.  It is just as important, in my interactions with other important people in my life, that I align my mind and heart with whatever is important to them.  It’s hard to develop genuine closeness if I don’t demonstrate that what is important to them is of any interest to me.  Step 2 is to demonstrate interest in what’s important to them.

Jesus continues in verse 11, “Give us today our daily bread.”  This seems to be the easiest part for many of us in prayer, as we are rarely at a loss for what to ask God for.  But Jeff stressed the importance of asking God to provide for all of our needs, even the most simple and basic, such as daily bread.  The act of asking for something that we can’t do for ourselves is powerful because in doing so we acknowledge that we aren’t God and that He is.  Our dependence upon God is an important component of our relationship with Him.  And healthy dependence upon the important people in our lives is an important component of any healthy relationship.  Interdependence cannot grow and flourish if we are not willing or able to communicate our legitimate needs to those who love us.  The third step is to make your needs and wants known.

Finally, Jesus wraps up with verses 12 and 13, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”  Jeff taught me the importance of regularly seeking forgiveness.  This is so important because our natural inclination is to pull away relationally from someone we’ve grieved.  Forgiveness draws us back to God.  And it does the same thing in our relationship with other people – forgiveness draws us close once again.  It is important that we forgive and be forgiven.  The fourth step is to forgive and seek forgiveness often.

It shouldn’t really be surprising that the same steps that Jesus said would foster great communication with God might also foster great relationships with other people. Give them a try for a week in one significant relationship and see where it leads.